I am sure it is a great mistake always to know enough to go in when it rains. One may keep snug and dry by such knowledge, but one misses a world of loveliness. –Adeline Knapp
My logic battles with my faith each day.
I have learned a hard lesson this week- a lesson that begs to be seen with eyes of faith and not dismissed by logic. Sometimes what I feel is easiest to sort out with logic becomes the obvious blinder to what is so much greater to see through simple faith. There is the continual illusion that if I approach the difficulties in my life by coloring inside the lines, I will be safe and so will those I love. If I stick to the schedules and do exactly as I “should” be doing the gears will grind throughout the day void of unwanted surprises. How, I ask myself, could I get more off track?
Rains fell in my world this last week, actually literally, but more so metaphorically. I pulled out the umbrellas and tried to shield, not only those around me, but myself as well from the torrential rains. It does not matter what happened, what matters is my jolt from fear. I pray each day my snug little prayer to God asking him to help me let go and to leave everything in the hands of the universe, only to find myself quickly yanking back my concerns with the first clap of thunder.
Throughout the storms as I struggle for my nearest ideas of safety and shelter, I risk missing the first few precious drops of rain and the quenching of my thirst that they offer. Parched and dry from a battle I am not nearly close to winning, I keep running to the safety I assume lies ahead. It is only when I stop, and truly ask for help that an answer begins to dawn upon my horizon. As the sun rises so does the burdens begin to lift and my hidden wings begin to unfurl. I fly freely once again among the carefree joy of knowing that I am not in control. There is a greater power at hand, and while I am graced with wisdom, part of that wisdom is to accept and understand that I do not have to “figure it all out.” But yet, appreciate the overwhelming gratitude that begins to stir in my heart from yet another one of God’s greatest truths being to simply be present in this moment and watch the universe work in all its glory.
So with my fears at bay and my heart a few hundred pounds lighter, I sit in my garden as kind of a victory celebration. My dog snoring beneath the bench I sit on like a 70 lb. bulldozer and my cat taking one of her numerous “cooties-be-gone” baths, I sit quietly as the sun fades in and out around me while the birds fly above with their sweet song- I am blessed with the knowledge that my “logic-verses-faith-battle” has been won at the hands of Christ once more and powered by a force so great.