Dancing in the Rain!

DSC_0031   “Sometimes you just have to get wet.”

As I move through the process of grief, I have found humor to be a necessary component.

If you have ever seen the movie, “Elizabethtown,” with Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst and Susan Sarandon, you can appreciate what I am talking about. Susan Sarandon loses her husband and is desperately trying out new things to help compensate the loss. She learns to fix the car, the toilet and learns to “tap dance” among other things.

I have found myself in the throes of what Susan Sarandon’s character experiences. In the first two weeks after my husband’s death, his truck wouldn’t start, the lawnmower wouldn’t start and a mouse (or rat) the size of a small dog, took up residency in the garage. I remember coming to tears, my heart beating fast and my knees going weak. I remember thinking, “Great!” “What next?”  I also thought, “You have got to let things go, Ginny.” “Everything will be alright.”

About 20 minutes after that statement, I hear a lawnmower, my wonderful neighbor is mowing my yard, my boss texts me to let me know she and her husband are going to help with my husband’s truck and my dog comes running up to me from outside and as I look down, drops the mouse at my feet. Thank God for divine intervention!

I have to tell you though it has been an effort learning to dance in the rain. It’s not easy as those emotional downpours hit. While I feel for the most part I am an independent woman, there was so much physical and unspoken support I forget I had.

Our AC and heating system had been giving us a little trouble and required a few small repairs, nothing major however until this last week when another problem occurred. It was one of those problems that could go either way and a decision was needed. One of the considerations was also the cost. What was the best decision?

After two nights of restless sleep, and doing numerous Google searches for trouble shooting, I felt exhausted and broke down in tears. This breakdown was not about making a decision on an air conditioner as much as it was about not having my partner and support here with me. My thoughts turned to the “what-if” scenarios of a bleak future.

However, as I sit here today with my new system running beautifully with its latest technology, I feel stronger. I made the right decision.

Dancing in the rain will continue to make me stronger and appreciate the beauty of the new “me” that is emerging. My sweet husband is a part of me still and will always be, but I know I will survive on my own as each beautiful hurdle teaches me something new about myself.

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Light in the Shadows

DSC_0807 How fortunate we are to journey with someone who shares our thoughts, our ideas and our heart. I have been blessed to have had 27 wonderful years with such a person. We grew, we learned, we laughed, we loved, we cried and evolved as better people for having known each other.

In the shadows of grief it is hard to ever think you can go on to live life without this person. You don’t want to hear that it will get better, you just want that person back. You grasp for anything to give you a “tangible” connection to your loved one after they die. You are reminded each day that they will never walk through the door at the end of the day again. As preparations are made and business affairs wrapped up the realization stabs through the numbness as you go through the motions to remind you that they are never coming back. The mental gymnastics you tell yourself to try to ease your pain work for a short time. You cannot reason with it.

What I have found is that our love, the love we had, now looks at me from a new place to slowly begin to heal me. No, I can’t hug my husband again, or hold his hand, but I can remember his smile, the fun we had and the lessons learned. I want our life to have stood for something and to identify my new life in the light of this understanding. His mission is over, I am still here. What is my purpose, what does this look like?

My husband would want me to go forward. He still encourages me from the other side with the warmth I feel as I look at our favorite garden, or the moon shining brightly in the dark night sky. He is still here in our new relationship. One I cannot explain, it is unique. It is in this uniqueness that a new light shines and a new life will emerge, my own.

There is no shadow that can sever the connection that love has forged between two people, only light that promises to show the way here on earth and eventually guide us back home to our loved one.

It is comforting to know that so many of us can understand one another when it comes to losing a loved one. We join hearts in the midst of our struggles to gain the footholds that move us towards our futures, not alone, but with each other.

Ginny Brown

 

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Still Alice

 

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“Your concept of the world depends upon this concept of the self. And both would go, if either one were ever raised to doubt.”                                                   Gifts from a Course in Miracles

I recently saw the movie “Still Alice.” While I have been in and around an industry that deals with dementia and more specifically, Alzheimer’s disease, this movie, starring Julianne Moore nailed the disease in a way that made it very personal for me. If you have not seen the movie, I would highly recommend it if not for any reason at least for an appreciation of who you are.

Throughout this movie you watch the main character lose herself to this horrible disease yet struggle to maintain her sense of self through activities to remember and hold on to who she is. However, there was one specific part of the movie that reached in and grabbed me in a way that made me shed tears over the imagined death of a self that has been my best friend and the precious ethereal line that bridges me to it.

Throughout my own life, I feel like I have and still do continually create and look for relationships, work and an environment that reflects and expands my innate or authentic self and not just the learned identity created by culture, society and family.  Still, I take so much for granted when it comes to “me” that inner precious self. I realize now through an even greater awareness the importance of being a best friend to and with myself.

In the worst of times, my greatest, judge, jury and prosecutor have been myself. I have fought with me and critiqued unmercifully. Even in a time now, when the worst is behind me I sometimes forfeit the reality of how truly a wonderful creation I am when I beat myself up pointing the finger of accusation.

We sometimes long and wish for things to have been different when we lose a loved one. We grieve or wish we could go back to hold them one more time, but how often do we embrace ourselves with that same compassion? We fall in and out of love with others and with self. We fear intimacy of self for fear of what we might encounter and have to deal with. You are all you have. Without you, there is no recognition of other and without kindness to you there is no kindness in the world.

I will think before I take myself for granted again. Early in the morning, when I pray or meditate, I will imagine a light cupped gently in my hands, fragile yet strong needing my protection, my love and my respect. I will treasure “self” in a way I did not before raising it with as much love as I would a small child. It is my link to all that is real and all that is true.

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Rock Faces Around the World

ANCIENT ARCHIVES

 Sphinx : South Coast / Sinemorets

Many believe that these are only natural rock formations.

That  nature is playing a trick on us.

This is not quite so. In all of them are traces of artificial trimming the scale of human activity to accept the scale desired shape. Many of them are consistent with celestial objects, it’s no secret .

Sphinx of Bucegi / Romania

Ebihens, France

St Andrews East Sands beach / Scottish beach

Old Man of the Park, near Sundance, WY.

Grey Man of Merrick – Galloway Forest Park

The Stone Head. A photograph of an enigmatic head in the Guatemalan jungle.

This was destroyed because it didn’t fit with the countries history.

La dame de Mali

Rodopi / Bulgaria

Sanctuary near S.Dolno

Even archeology agrees with this because around these rocks reveals millennial human activity which unequivocally defines these places as sacred sites and ancient temples . But even if…

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“No Light Stays Hidden”

Door 2  In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary.

                                                                                                                          Aaron Rose

No light stays hidden and at the right moment through the right inspiration and encouragement our light will shine brightly into our darkest corners of insecurity. Too often we make excuses for ourselves and our dreams, letting our ego edit what our soul cries out for. Our light stays hidden under the blanket of doubt and uncertainty. We feel fearful to tread the waters of life for fear of drowning.

It takes courage and determination to crack the door open, but when we do- what the light can reveal is amazing. It does no good to play it small. The world needs your light and so do you. Inevitably and at some point it becomes too painful to ignore the cry that calls out for us to become more.

What are your dreams, what are the deferred daydreams that continue to ebb and flow in your mind pushed back by the “responsibilities of life?” When do we make up our mind that it’s time to envision what makes our heart sing? What’s the first step? What does it look like?

Could you take a moment today, no matter where you are at, no matter what the circumstance, and dream a little? Let your light shine brightly.

For those of you who have continued to follow my blog, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have been away chiseling at my own dreams and bringing them to life. My blog has changed a bit, but it is still me here, sharing and hoping to hear from you!

 

 

 

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Reaching for the White Orb of Cheese

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“We stand in our own shadow, and wonder why it’s dark.”   Zen Proverb    Photo Credit by kariliimat ainen

When I was a little girl, my uncle Oscar once told me, in his thick German accent, “Little Ginny, the moon is made of green cheese.” I wondered about that for quite a while. I think he was trying to tell me not to believe everything I see or hear. So while the moon continues to romanticize hearts all over the world, mine included, it also reminds me that there is a greater truth out there and to never stop questioning and reaching for it. I am here for an important earthly task before my heavenly appointment.

Caroline Myss, in her book, “Sacred Contracts,” a book about awakening to your divine potential, writes that the first stage of the Sacred Contract, or your calling in life, is contact-a moment of connection that occurs between you and the divine. Sometimes subtle, sometimes profound, throughout our lives at some moment, a call comes. Are we listening?

My contact came as a little girl sitting on the big porch swing in our backyard. I would go out there at night and swing quietly, looking at the stars fascinated by the vast expanse of the sky that went on forever, but mostly I sat there because of the moon. Each time I saw it my heart never failed to leap in awe and wonder at what was for me– the first real presence of heaven. Similar to Linus, in the Peanuts Halloween Special, as he waited for the “Great Pumpkin” to rise out of the pumpkin patch, I sat there waiting for this “white orb” of divine goodness to come up over the trees. I had so many questions for this celestial being and each night I would end with prayers and a wish to visit special places past the moon, much like over the rainbow, where no one would hurt anymore or would hurt others. As I sat on that porch swing, I was determined through all the fears and uncertainties in my young, budding life, not to give up on the dreams or the life I envisioned. That little girl knew something inherently that her circumstances many times dictated otherwise, and it is that something, that precious jewel, that we need to protect and keep as an heirloom of faith.

As a child, not knowing who this universal intelligence or “God” was, it seemed I could find it easier. I wasn’t told yet who God was, or where he lived, or what he did, and how he looked. It was mystical and magical being led by intuition and a divine guidance. That beautiful universal intelligence spoke to my heart in many wondrous ways teaching me aspects of my greater self, the ones that would get me through the years to come. It’s easy to enter communion with God as a child. It’s the time before hard core beliefs, judgments and opinions. Sometimes, we overlook the little child because they come with too many problems or memories we lose the magic and innocence that come with them.

The promises made under that glorious moon so many years ago continue to be a part of my own “sacred contract.” Whenever I’m a bit down, or feel like I need to touch, at least visually, a piece of the heavens, I look to the stars, literally. There, behind some tree, or right out in the open, in the middle of the sky, is my old friend, the moon. As I gaze at this familiar orb nestled in the heavens, I remind myself of how far I have come, and that the journey still continues. The moon reminds me to always romanticize, but with an added awareness to remember to romanticize over the more mundane aspects of life too, the one’s we take for granted. These are the teachers and lessons we travel with each and every day, and to appreciate them. They can lift the shadows between us and the moonlight.

And finally, to never stop dreaming or wishing. To continually call on my child inside letting her dance in the glow of the moon. I remind myself to reach for the white orb of cheese and seize every opportunity as it unfolds in life. My authenticity waits for me to claim it. My calling waits for me to hear it, if I don’t dance, there is no journey.

Are you answering your call?

But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

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Give A Little Bit…

11435324-little-girl-giving-flower-to-boy[1]        It is the mark of a great man that he puts to flight all ordinary calculations. He is at once sublime and touching, childlike and of the race of giants.                                              Honore de Balzac

This morning I woke up grumpy. I felt tired, like I needed a break. Just as I was prepared and content to wallow in that moment, I remember today is a special day for my husband. Today, at work, he is to make a presentation that he is very excited about. Additionally, he researched and worked very hard to prepare for it. I thought, “Don’t you dare ruin his moment!” So, I put on my smile (you know, the one you see in my comments to you -:)) determined to celebrate this day with him. I make him breakfast, give him a kiss, and wish him the best! No sooner does he leave, and here come the “grumpies” again. Flirting with this feeling, which at the moment has me in its clutches, and teetering on whether or not I should actually let it have this dance, my cat begins meowing LOUDLY drowning out the whole sorrowful melody. “What now?” I think. Her paw is stuck on the carpet. So, I gently unstick it. She looks at me with her “grateful” entitlement attitude and runs off. Moments later, the toilet decides to act up… I decide to go to Starbucks.

The drive is nice. My favorite CD plays as I drive and re-think the morning’s events. I have a choice. I can be “grumpy” for the rest of the day or look for that silver lining I know is tucked away somewhere. I actually begin to feel a little better. I continue to Starbucks, pull into the drive thru, and as I’m waiting, catch a glimpse of the woman behind me in my rearview mirror. She’s shaking her head slightly, clearly irritated that she has to wait. I wonder what’s happenng in her morning? It is then however, that I feel “the tug.” You know- the one that wraps its sticky little fingers around your heart and niggles at you until you give in and hear what it is saying? I finally give in just enough to hear it say, “Hey, you have the power to do something nice.” I contemplate and smile- a real one this time. I get up to the drive thru window pay for my drink -and the lady behind me’s drink. Then I quickly drive off. I actually feel giggly and silly, and it’s great.

What is it about helping someone else that makes us smile? I think it’s because we are helping ourselves also, it take the focus off of us for a while. One of the happiest memories I have is when I would pick flowers in the backyard for my mom. My heart would swell with pride and happiness, just to see her smile. Sometimes, it’s in my best interest to shake off the adult with all its reasoning and what ifs and let the child come forward with its spur-of-the-moment and spontaneous love.

I made my choice. No longer wrapped up in my cocoon of self-pity, and with the “grumpies” now far away, peace and joy now settle in its place. Do something for someone today, even if it’s just a smile, it lifts our heart and theirs. Enjoy!!

Please visit Bridges and The Essay Closet for Updated information!                                                                                                       

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The Razor’s Edge

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“For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

                                                                                                                                    Matthew 7:14 

The narrow path by which we enter into this world is a mysterious one- is it not?

In Ted Andrews book, Animal Speak, he discusses those people with panthers as totems as generally being individuals “who have come into the world with their lights already on.” He goes on to discuss how many people enter the metaphysical world or field, taking up exercises or meditation to have their inner lights “clicked on.” However, there is a price to pay for those lights. They don’t come easy.  

In the Garden of Eden, Eve is given forbidden fruit, “the ignorant bliss” now stripped away as she and Adam hide from God. People innocent or naïve to the “evils” or “hard lessons” of this world that receive the “trials by fire” do not easily slip through the gate without a monumental amount of pain, introspection or discernment. It takes work to throw open the gates of self, exposing ourselves to a life unknown, verses hiding in the confines of our routines and comfortable behavior.

There is a responsibility that comes with such knowledge. It is certainly not looked upon as a privilege when we are hurt, the aftermath damaging and destroying all that we knew, possibly taking all that we had. Lying in the dark, we may pray for those lights to click on for many years to still find ourselves overwhelmed with a pain that consumes our every thought and the path to the light internally black and long. It can become easy to hide behind a judgment or two as an excuse to remain numb and not experience life, but if we are not careful we may start believing those judgments mistaking them for the world around us. More so, hiding from God and hating oneself is not the shortest way to get there. We don’t get to embrace the lessons and the love that is waiting.

For some who come into the world with their lights already on, it can be hard to see the injustices or ugliness that exists in our world, however turning inside away from everything will never allow a love for this side, equally important. The lights don’t make for better people, just more awareness, perhaps with even more responsibility. Maybe our path is to walk in those shoes of the individuals we are confronted with every day. Not to simply try them on, but to actually wear them for a while.

We can walk in “ignorant bliss”- Lord knows this would be much easier! But could I ever really look myself in the eye again? The light beckons us to move closer and to live a genuine life. It is not the easiest path, but yet at some point, it is through grace, a privilege. It is our responsibility to walk with it, fall in love with ourselves and shed light on everyone we meet. The light may not always show us what we “want” to see, but it does offer a truth that opens the gate a little wider. It is the spirit that expands into every corridor of the journey we call “life.” A life that is not nearly as narrow when bathed in a light of love and shared with others. It is the circle that makes us complete.

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Welcome to Ancient Archives

This is a really incredible blog. A lot of hard work and research over many years is shared. The photos are really great also. If you get a chance check it out. There are ancient cultures that left so much behind that we still don’t have a clue about.

ANCIENT ARCHIVES

Welcome to Ancient Archives. Please find within its pages over 600 plus pictures, their origins and related articles. This has and continues to be a life long journey and investigation of ancient civilizations and cultures. Many of the pictures can be dated and an origin specified, however some cannot. Over the years I have received information from people who share my passion, and would appreciate your input from your own research efforts and encourage you to share any information that you might offer that I lack.  This is a joint effort and search for the truth or at least an attempt to understand what the ancient peoples were trying to convey or leave behind. Additionally, there are marks of intelligence throughout the world that differs with our written histories that beg the question, “who were these people?”

Due to the many pictures, I am not able to include research on…

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Rise Above…

Rise Above post 2   Intense love does not measure, it just gives.

                                                                                                                                 Mother Teresa

It used to bother me as a little girl when someone was angry with me or if someone in school did not like me. I would approach the person whenever I could, determined to make them like me or try to figure out what I had done. It was as if I could not be at peace until I figured it out. But greater still, was the feeling of overwhelming love that canceled out any fear or awkwardness to approach them. As a child, I did not wonder if my actions were appropriate or if I may be crossing over a line. It just felt right, and it felt wrong not to do something about it.

Over the years, the scales that cover the eyes, the wounds that callous the heart, and the mind that is preoccupied with judgments, opinions, and a myriad of other cloaks that supposedly self preserve unknowingly create a chasm between the innocent child and the overanalyzing adult.  Time wears down the bridge between the two a pebble at a time, and a hurt at a time, until the love, still there, ebbs and flows rather than the bright light that once burned in our hearts towards actions we need not have thought twice about. Fortunately, surrounding us in every moment, there are the reminders that the two are still connected.

It is not easy when someone’s words have hurt us, or actions have angered us to the point that we “cut them off” or immediately begin to question the “agendas” of everyone around us. Needless to say, we can find ourselves gradually and eventually behind these bars of suspicion or worse yet, walking a barren land devoid of relationships, no longer willing to try. This is when we must realize we have a choice, to continue to walk through the repetitive and energy draining bitterness or to rise above the sea of life and all that flows within it from a perspective of love.

When I would come home from school crying from an unkind word, or even in later years angry over a situation, my mother would always tell me, “You have to rise above.” The words fell on deaf ears for many years, until finally the meaning took root. It doesn’t matter what the other person is doing or what the circumstance is, it is the power in our hearts to overcome that is important. We always have that choice. While not always easy, the light that we find, and continue to hold out in front of us becomes brighter and brighter the more we let it burn.  Eventually, the scales fall, the wounds heal, the mind rests, and we find our way back over the bridge with a childlike joy and an eagerness to love.

Visit BRIDGES this week for an article by John O’Leary, https://chasingtheperfectmoment.com/bridges/

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